Friendship # 3 - Justin

God has blessed me with many friends, so I thought I would write a series of true stories about my friendships. I actually have a strong friendship right now that recovered from a sinful emotional dependence that easily could have killed it. Let me tell you about it.

Justin (not his real name) and I are both Christians and have been friends for 8 years. He is very straight but knows all about my struggle with same sex attraction. When he was recovering from serious medical problems a few years ago, for months he was sick in his room at his parents’ house and felt abandoned by all his friends. He and I started spending hours together talking several days a week and he treated me like I was his best friend. When Justin got better he made new friends, spent less time with me, and eventually started acting like I was an annoyance, not a friend. When I would call him he would cut the call short. He would just give one word answers to my questions. I was jealous. I felt used and abandoned. I was devastated.

Here is what saved the friendship. God helped me see that I had to put God first in the relationship and stop idolizing Justin. If I was demanding some kind of exclusive relationship, that meant I was wrongly emotionally dependant on Justin. I called out to God for help. God reminded me of the scripture in Luke 6: “Love your enemies” “Pray for those who abuse you.” I certainly felt used and abused, so I made it a point to pray for him whenever I felt jealous and alone. I asked God to bless him with friends and rejoiced when God did, wanting Justin to be blessed even if I wasn’t. Every time I saw Justin I attempted to center our conversation on spiritual things and PRAY TOGETHER. I found practical ways to help him out even though he did seemingly nothing to help me. Eventually the pain stopped. We BOTH looked forward to our prayer times together. He apologized for being inconsiderate of me. We talked about overcoming sin and planning for the future. Somehow, in God’s mercy I gained Justin’s trust on a very deep level.

We started a part time business and now we work together several times a week. Justin knows me so well he can finish my sentences. We encourage each other and hold each other accountable in our battles against sexual sin. It amazes me how often God very specifically answers Justin’s prayers for me. I am so happy for him because God has blessed him with a great girlfriend and there is so much joy in his life. Justin and I talked about our friendship recently and we both agree that it is healthy and not emotionally dependent.

God is so good!

How to Change the World

This is a quote from John Piper given at One Day 2000:

"You don't have to know a lot of things for your life to make a lasting difference in the world. But you do have to know the few great things that matter, and then be willing to live for them and die for them. The people that make a durable difference in the world are not the people who have mastered many things, but who have been mastered by a few great things. If you want your life to count, if you want the ripple effect of the pebbles you drop to become waves that reach the ends of the earth and roll on for centuries and into eternity, you don't have to have a high IQ or EQ; you don't have to have to have good looks or riches; you don't have to come from a fine family or a fine school. You have to know a few great, majestic, unchanging, obvious, simple, glorious things, and be set on fire by them."

Here is a link to the audio:
http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/MediaPlayer/1483/Audio/

There is no substitute for hearing, not just reading, John Piper. The emotional power that comes through in his spoken word has gotten through to my heart in ways that merely reading his messages have not.

Close Friendship #2 - Jake

People seemed to appreciate my past posts on my non-sexual close friendships with other guys. I guess it helps others to have hope for fulfilling friendships outside of gay sex. Believe me, we can be happy AND celibate! Here is a true story of another friendship of mine, this time involving more of a mentoring role.

The first time I met Jake (not his real name) he showed up at the house where I lived. One of my housemates was a graphic designer and Jake wanted him to design a tattoo. He wanted the image of a gravestone on his back, with the gravestone bearing the name of his murdered friend. When I heard that, many alarm bells went off in my head. I knew Jake was a rebel and one of the “bad boys” of our church, but I did not realize the seriousness of his situation until then. I could see some of the emotional pain he was in and I felt compassion.

I made an effort to talk to him regularly and one day I won his trust after his life took another bad turn. He had an argument with his parents and his father threw him out of the house since he was then over 18. I told him he could sleep on our living room couch, even though the homeowner was out of town and I had not asked permission. I thought the homeowner would say “no” anyway. I guess this made me a rebel, too, so Jake started trusting me and confiding in me. I let him know that although I disagreed with some of the practices at our church, I really wanted him to look beyond our church and see Jesus. He should not reject Jesus just because our church had failed him. A few days later he reconciled with his father and went back home.

I would have to say that some of the most bizarre situations I have seen in my life happened because of my friendship with Jake. One night I got a phone call from him asking me to drive him home. He told me to meet him at a place not far from where I lived. I went there and did not see him, so I called his cell phone. He jumped out from behind some bushes and ran to my car. As I drove him home he admitted he was running from the police! Apparently there was some kind of drug raid and the police chased him into the woods and lost track of him there. He was hiding in the bushes near a neighborhood on the edge of the woods. OOPS, maybe I shouldn’t have helped him then.

We kept up a friendship and I kept trying to help him see the greatness of God and how much better Jesus is than sin. I prayed for him, drove him around when he needed it, and helped him through some difficult drug withdrawal. Fast forward a few years. Jake is now following Jesus Christ, reading his Bible, and praying. He is off drugs. He is attending a different church and has real fellowship with other believers. The change in him is absolutely beautiful. Only God could have transformed someone like that. A few nights ago he told me I am his best friend. I thank God for Jake.